He's just not that into you.
Many of you probably recall the first time you heard this simple, yet revolutionary phrase during Season 6, Episode 4.
I'm no medical professional...yet...but my friend, Gabriella, will tell you that I will often prescribe various seasons of Sex and The City to her when she is dealing with one boyfriend problem or another. On Demand has made it even easier by grouping episodes into categories rather than seasons; You can now pick from Fashion Forward, I Love NY, Jet Setting, Love & Romance, and One Night Stands. But if you're looking for simple advice, you can save yourself the half hour (or more, as I tend to watch back-to-back episodes), depending on if you find Ron Livingston's character, Jack Berger, to be "adorably self-depricating" or "unbearably neurotic" (Entertainment Weekly). When Miranda asks Berger to assess the post-date behavior of her most recent romantic foray, Berger responds, "He's just not that into you," and then goes on to say, "When a guy's really into you, he's coming upstairs, meeting or no meeting." Miranda takes it on to spread the gospel, though is met with disdain and sass when she interrupts an overheard conversation between two women about an unsatisfying weekend.
But before any of us ever heard it on television, it was murmured by Greg Behrendt, consultant to SATC and co-author of the subsequent self-improvement book. And, as I'm sure you know, the book then inspired a major motion picture. Because of the multi-media dissemination of this information, we all now know that "If he's not calling you," "If he's not asking you out," and/or "If he's breaking up with you," then he's just not that into you.
All of this inspired me to poll a group of my fabulously intelligent, funny, and man-savvy female friends to come up with their best "She's not that into you" lines, because, obviously, sometimes we're not that into him.
Below you'll find a compiled list of the responses I got. Thanks to Jamie, Katie, Christa, and Gabriella for your substantial contributions. If I get more in the coming days, I'll be sure to include a second installment. I've decided not to edit the list but instead to throw them all together. So guys, pay attention...
She's just not that into you...
...if she'd rather go to the gym than hang out
...if she's dating other guys
...if she's sleeping with your best friend (even once)
...if she agrees to go on a break from your relationship without setting stipulations
...if she farts in front you (a lot)
...if she calls you for guy advice
...if she won't move across the country with/for you
...if she doesn't call you back
*note: if she doesn't call you in the first place, she might still be into you and waiting for you to call her because her friends told her not to look desperate
...if she only agrees to go out with you when she knows one of you is moving out of town in the near future
...if, more than once a week, she would rather go to bed early than hook up
...if you say, "I love you," and she says, "That's sweet!" or "Thanks!"
...if she thinks you're gay
...if she tells you she's just not ready for a relationship
...if she doesn't wax her bikini line
...if she doesn't shave her legs
*Editorial note: I don't necessarily think that frequency of hair removal is directly related to level of interest. But a change in habit might be worth noting.
...if she doesn't take down the picture on her desk of her ex-boyfriend
...if she roots against your favorite sports team just because
...if her parents come to town and she doesn't introduce you
...if she refuses to acknowledge you in public
...if she doesn't want anyone to find out you're dating/hooking up
...if she gets so wasted to hook up with you that she pees in your bed
*apparently this is a true story, but this did not happen to the woman who sent it to me
...if her friends have never heard anything about you
...if she doesn't make eye contact at all, ever
...if she doesn't talk with you alone, but always has another friend with her
...if she doesn't know what color your eyes are
...if she answers your questions with one-word answers and doesn't ask you anything in return
...if she only talks to you/flirts with you/kisses you when she's been drinking
...if she holds you off with excuses like, "I just have a lot going on right now"
...if she can't remember any of the pertinent details of things you've already told her...twice
...if she doesn't change her relationship status
...if she never wants to wear makeup around you
...if you're dancing with her and she's signaling to her friend
...if she turns down your offer to buy her a drink...twice
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